When I moved out for university, I was fine. Everyone in my halls were also new, it was the first time most of us had lived away and no-one really knew what we were doing. We also had fresher’s week, induction packs and a team of university people behind us to make sure we settled in fine. Whereas moving in with my husband was a completely different experience. Unlike university where everyone was new and we were all building our own new habits and routines, I moved in with a family. Who already had set habits and routines that I needed to slot into. Plus all the practical issues that arise from moving away too, like where’s your local corner shop or where to get your hair done? Below are some points to consider when you are moving away after marriage.
So this point is fairly obvious, however I included it just in case. Some things to think about are:
- Will you be able to continue working at your current job
- Will there be any additional travel costs after you move
- What is the job market like in your new area
- If you do need to move jobs, when will you hand in your notice
- When will you start looking for new a new job
- When will you be able to start the new job
If you are moving straight from your parents to live with your husband, you would have most likely amassed a lot of stuff. All of this stuff will have to be taken to your husband’s house where if he is also living with his parents will also have a life time of random stuff in his room. You will also have a lots of new suits and other random other wedding stuff that will need to be fitted in. Though there is the tradition in some families that you only take new stuff with you to your in-laws, so that is also worth checking. This was something me and my husband forgot about and are still trying to clear space now! Below are some key points/actions:
- As soon as possible you and your husband need to start going through your things and cutting them down!
- For the stuff you won’t be able to take agree with your parents how it will be stored.
- It’s also worth looking at how much storage is available in his room so you can figure out how much stuff you can take with you. Or if you need to buy more.
- Don’t assume that if there is empty space in the house you will be able to use it, always check beforehand.
- Don’t look at the things that are only in your room too. The bathroom and kitchen are other key areas to keep in mind. Especially if you’ll be sharing a bathroom with the family. You also need to see how much bathroom/ kitchen space is available at your husbands house.
- Also, if it is a shared bathroom, does everyone leave their toiletries in the bathroom or keep them in their rooms.
- Another bathroom point is are they period equipped?
One thing I completely forgot about when I moved was my eyebrows! After living in Hounslow for almost a year and a half, I have finally found a wonderful threading lady and I don’t have to go back home every time my eyebrows need doing. Apart from leaving behind your family you’re also leaving behind your favourite shops, restaurants and services. Before you move it’s a good idea to try and find some replacements. Below are things that you may to change after the move:
- Hair removal
- Hair dressing
- Corner shop
- Post office
It’s hard moving in with a family as it’s like you’re playing a game but only they know the rules. I also feel like no-one really talks about what will happen once you move in, as everyone is so focused on the wedding. It’s just assumed that you’ll just slot in and do everything their way too. Even though their way could be completely different to how your family does things. The main thing that will help you to settle is time, the longer you are there the more everything starts to make sense. A supportive husband is also a plus!
I was thinking the other day that a house induction would be amazing. Similar to when you start a new job and they take you round the office, show you how everything works and let you know key things that happen in the office. Wouldn’t it be great if your in-laws did that too! If you feel comfortable ask your husbands family to have a little induction or practical welcome pack. If not, below are some things to ask your husband before you move in:
- How does the hot water work?
- Are there set bathroom/shower times.
- How do meal times work?
- What days are laundry days?
- Who cooks?
- Are there any foods you can’t cook?
- Does everyone eat the same food, or do you all make your own?
- Where is the fuse box/ gas/ electricity meter?
- What is the alarm code?
- When would they set the alarm code?
- If they have pets (or if there’s children around), how often are they fed/ walked/ what rooms are they allowed into?
- What days are bin days, how does the re-cycling work?
- Do they put the tea bags directly into the bin?
- Is there a lot of visitors?
- Will you coming home late be an issue?
- How will parking work?
To be honest the above list could go on forever and hopefully it has nudged you to think of some other questions too. It’s also a good idea to try and find out what jobs you’ll be expected to do when you move in. Having a clear idea of what to expect and how you and your husband would like to manage your relationship whilst living at with in-laws is important for the both of you and your relationship.
The Actual Move
A good point to consider as well is when will you move your stuff. Most people do it when the girl comes back for a couple of days after the wedding. It’s probably worth allowing a couple of days for you and your husband to unpack and get all your stuff arranged. My main advice for this would be to make sure that you thoroughly plan what you pack for the days you are at you in-laws, so that there are no last-minute emergencies. Find out what they have planned and have back-ups ready!